Whaddup..??

It has been (almost) a month since my last post in this blog.. I have a lot of things that I want to write, but somehow my "laziness" disease has successfully attacked me! Oh well... So I end up with doing nothing. Even though I finished my exam quite early, I ended-up with working almost everyday, until I went back home to Indonesia! Wow~ I can't tell how happy I am when I finally met my family again :)

Some things that has occurred previously, such as my 'failed attempt' on the appeal for my IELTS writing results has successfully make me disappointed. Yes, I did hope a lot that they will marked up my mark (since it's only 0.5 mark to go!), but in fact.. they didn't. So here I am now, in my hometown, applying for my second IELTS test and hopefully I'll got the desired mark for my PR application. But the problem is...... I haven't prepare anything for the second test until now. I guess I will be busy studying IELTS for the next couple of days.

During this holiday, some plans has crossed into my mind, but as always I don't have the guts to try or to apply it. I hate myself when I become like this. I keep changing my mind, I keep thinking unnecessary things. And you know what, it makes me loose my focus, my plan. I even never think before that I will arrive at this stage, when I feel totally useless and have no idea about what is the purpose in my life. I become worry about a lot of "unknown-yet" things, which is actually silly, and I tend to stay at my comfort zone. Idle.

I know I'm wrong, yes. I don't know what I want, yes. I don't know what to do, absolutely.
I think now is the right time to go back to "HIM", the center of everything in this world. If you trust in HIM, nothing is impossible. He will make a way when there's no way, and He will provide when you have nothing. Yes, that is what I believe. One of my mistake is that I am puling myself away from HIM these few weeks. I don't mean to do that or purposively done that. I don't know, or what happened to me because I skipped church for 2 weeks already, and seldom pray. And now I feel horrible, I feel messed up, I am lost. I need HIM, my LORD. And I am the one who should change, not pulling myself away further from him but trying hard to get closer to HIM.

So yeah,.. That's what has happened to me recently. I am pathetic ( I think), but I (also) think that I still have time and chances. :)